Whether we like it or not we’re always judging, and it’s not because we’re bad people nor does it make us bad people.

Judgment no matter how large/small/silly/emotionally charged is not conducive to happiness.

Here’s an email that I received today from the Hay House mailing list that explores this topic. It’s worth a read.

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Love or Judge?
by Robert Holden, Ph.D.

Unhappiness is energy plus judgment. Can you see that all unhappiness stems from a judgment of “this is bad” and “this is wrong”? Nothing, in itself, can make you unhappy, but the belief that what you’re witnessing must be “bad” and “wrong” will certainly encourage grief. Redundancy, for instance, need not be “bad” or “wrong,” but if you insist it must be so, then you’ll suffer great unhappiness. Look at your judgments!

The problem with judgment is that there is no is! Nothing is because everything has to be “good” or “bad” and “right” or “wrong.” In other words, there is no acceptance. Everything you see you judge. Seeing is judgment. Thinking is judgment. You see nothing as it is; you only see your judgment of it. It is this lack of acceptance and openness that causes you so much pain.

Judgment isn’t natural; it’s learned. Judgment is an attribute of the ego, and the ego is always on guard, ready to dispense its judgments. While you continue to judge, there’s no acceptance, no peace, and no rest. Because you were once afraid, you taught yourself to judge, but now you find that judgment only increases fear. Similarly, because you once lacked trust, you taught yourself to judge, but now you find that judgment diminishes any chance of trust.

If you judge something as “bad,” you must inevitably feel “bad.” If, you judge something as “good,” you will feel “good.” This is solid emotional mathematics. True freedom, however, comes from the willingness to give up judgment for love. This is particularly true when it comes to your judgments about emotions. When you’re willing to give up judging your emotions, you’re left with acceptance; and when you have acceptance, you also have love. Can you see that:

Fear, without judgment, is love.
Anger, without judgment, is love.
Guilt, without judgment, is love.
Depression, without judgment, is love.
Jealousy, without judgment, is love.
Hate, without judgment, is love.
Anxiety, without judgment, is love.
Sadness, without judgment, is love.
Pain, without judgment, is love.
Love, without judgment, is love.

Wisdom isn’t judgment; wisdom is the relinquishment of judgment. Can you see that whenever you judge anyone or anything, you are the one who experiences the effect of the judgment? This is what is meant by the saying “Judge not that ye may not be judged.” You may be angry at your mother, but it is your nervous system that feels the anger. You may be upset at your partner, but it is your mind that is unsettled. Judgment condemns and punishes everyone, including “ye” who judges.

Giving up judgment is only difficult because you still believe that judgment will somehow give you peace. To give up judgment, you must first realize that judgment cannot and will not give you peace. In other words . . .

judgment won’t make you safe;
it will only make you afraid.

Second, to give up judgment, you only have to understand that you don’t know enough about anything to make an accurate judgment. In other words, all your judgments are half-baked opinions and not whole truths. In the manual of A Course in Miracles, there are some wonderful words that read:

It is necessary for the teacher of God to realize, not that he should not judge, but that he cannot. In giving up judgment, he is merely giving up what he did not have. He gives up an illusion; or better, he has an illusion of giving up. He has actually merely become more honest. Recognizing that judgment was always impossible for him, he no longer attempts it. This is no sacrifice. On the contrary, he puts himself in a position where judgment through him rather than by him can occur. And this judgment is neither “good” nor “bad.” It is the only judgment there is, and it is only one: “God’s Son is guiltless, and sin does not exist.”

Third, in order to give up judgment, you can begin by not judging yourself for your judgments! I was recently interviewed for a magazine in which I was asked, “Are you judgmental?” The most honest reply I could give was, “I am as judgmental as I have ever been. However, I’ve learned not to judge myself for my judgments. I’ve also learned to take my judgments less seriously. Most judgments are fears, and I’m determined not to live my life by fear.”

Finally, judgment and love are opposites. By making a commitment to love and by cultivating a more loving outlook, judgment will automatically fall away. Love begets love; judgment begets judgment. The truth is . . .you cannot judge and love!

The experience of your entire life boils down, then, to a simple decision: Do you love, or do you judge? Which do you value the most? You so hoped that judgment would give you strength and peace, but there is no strength and peace in a mind that constantly judges. Love is strong. It is strong because it is free of fear and judgment. Love will give you all the peace you long for.

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Excerpt from Happiness NOW! by Robert Holden, Ph.D., Director of the internationally renowned Happiness Project. For more information, please visit hayhouse.com