sketches of the mind

Mum hasn’t been feeling well this week due to various stresses in her life that she won’t talk to me about. A mother not discussing their problems with their children is so typically Asian (generalising here of course). It’s definitely typical for my family.

Two days ago I woke up and gave her a hug before she left for work. I can honestly tell you right now that in my family, this action is not considered normal. I did it anyway and it felt good inside.

An important lesson that I learnt from the ISA Experience is that the relationship we have with our parents is the most important relationship that we will ever have in our lives. Everything stems from there. This includes how we define what a "good" and "bad" relationship should look like, as well as the parameters of the partner that we want in life. Isn’t it interesting how people often compare their potential partners to their mothers or fathers? Isn’t it more interesting how we eventually end up with somebody who resembles one of our parents? We may not know it at first, but if we don’t pay attention to it they can eventually become our parent. Scary thought I know.

If we were to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, then what if we were to take responsibility for choosing our parents? Does that put a different spin on things? Rather than placing blame on our parents for raising us the best and only way that they knew how (most likely a result of their parents raising them the best and only way that they knew how too), why don’t we see them for what they really are?

Louise L. Hay suggests in You Can Heal Your Life:

The lessons that we learn seem perfectly matched to the ‘weaknesses’ of the parents we have.

Furthermore, she adds:

Our visits to this planet are like going to school. If you want to become a beautician, you go to beauty school. If you want to become a mechanic, you go to mechanics school. If you want to become a lawyer, you go to law school. The parents you picked this time around are the perfect couple who are "experts" in what you have chosen to learn.

I just placed an order online at wishlist for a gift for my mum (for other ideas try Heavenly). After all, Mother’s Day is just around the corner (Sunday 13th May). Today I’m also going to leave work early, swing by a florist and pick up some flowers for her.

As for dad, well we have a good relationship. Like any relationship there’s always room to improve, and I intend to work on it.

Update [15:57]: Here are the sunflowers I purchased for my mum. The vase is a present I gave to my mum a few years ago. I left them on the kitchen bench so it’ll be the first thing she sees when she gets home. Hope it cheers her up

Created by Veronica Ciandre.

A 24-verse affirmation of gratitude, inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. "I Have A Dream" speech, and Bob Proctor, (The Secret).

I wonder if the original song used in the video (Humble - The Other Side) is available online somewhere.Great track.

More info on this inspirational project at redefiningthedream.com.

Here is the original speech by Martin Luther King, Jr.:

Eight ways to self actualise:

1. Experience things fully, vividly, selflessly. Throw yourself into the experiencing of something: concentrate on it fully, let it totally absorb you.
2. Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth): Make the growth choice a dozen times a day.
3. Let the self emerge. Try to shut out the external clues as to what you should think, feel, say, and so on, and let your experience enable you to say what you truly feel.
4. When in doubt, be honest. If you look into yourself and are honest, you will also take responsibility. Taking responsibility is self-actualizing.
5. Listen to your own tastes. Be prepared to be unpopular.
6. Use your intelligence, work to do well the things you want to do, no matter how insignificant they seem to be.
7. Make peak experiencing more likely: get rid of illusions and false notions. Learn what you are good at and what your potentialities are not.
8. Find out who you are, what you are, what you like and don’t like, what is good and what is bad for you, where you are going, what your mission is. Opening yourself up to yourself in this way means identifying defenses–and then finding the courage to give them up.